society's mirror
by Matsuri1
Summary: If you spent your entire life isolating yourself from what you really should be feeling, how would you go about looking at the world? In a society gone wrong, Trowa reflects on what it all means. slight language and meantion of mature themes.


Ok, it should be obvious that I don't own Gundam Wing. this is all for my personal amusement. I wrote this from an idea I got in some song lyrics, though what song I don't remember anymore. At the time, it was just something to entertain myself on the long car ride to West Virgina, but I think it became something more than that. For those of you who won't catch it the first time, this is as much a testament to today's society, particularly the direction the American culture, is headed toward or has already become as it is a specific reference to life in AC 195. but sadly, the same ideas are likely to hold true. A good friend of mine was speechless after hearing it read, and while I doubt there are many other people who would share her sentiment or my opinions. She tells me it sounds like Trowa. but I'll let all of you decide. ******************************************************************  
  
I hate mirrors and the reflective surfaces similar to them; their only use is to fan the flames of the world's vanity. People spend hours in front of them, perfecting the image they present to a popular culture, one which requires the utmost conformity under the guise of individualism. How can we claim to be a humanistic and accepting culture when we view those inconsistent with personal and popular social standard as less than ourselves. less than human.  
  
I've heard the Christian stories of genesis and the American declaration of independence from Duo, naturally. The former is supposedly, as the Catholic church claims at least, ecumenical, and in order for such an organization to be worldwide, shouldn't it transcend race, creed, and pop culture? If the story is taken literally and we've all descended from the same two humans aren't we all family? And if it is merely symbolic, weren't we all created by the same god, or descended from the same prehistoric creature.  
  
The latter, a foundation for all democracy, states that "all men are created equal." If this is true, why doesn't, at a very minimum, some semblance of pacifism exist, either in the past or now, for a country which preaches equality. If this is true, why racial prejudice and hate crimes. They go to war with, let's say, a middle eastern county, and suddenly all Arabs in their mainland are vile, murderous spies and subject to revocation of their rights as citizens. There was a point in history where racial prejudices were cast aside and any American citizen could be stripped of the basic rights their constitution guaranteed them on the basis of suspicion and held indefinitely without even requiring suspicion.  
  
While both these organizations claim an unbiased unity, do they really practice it? To make matters worse, this is hardly the tip of the iceberg when it comes to society's problems. Greed, lust envy, pride, hate. It's a sad day when an emotion that, as I have been told, is as pure and unselfish as love can be responsible for massacre and worldwide conflict.  
  
I've never felt as if I were a part of society. I was, and likely will remain, less than human in the eyes of the world. From the way I started life to the way I fight now, I was thought of, and maybe even expected to be, an uncompassionate, mechanical excuse for an existence. An orphan of the world from the very beginning, I was raised to kill. It's all I had to survive. It hardly justifies my murderous tendencies and compassionless stand toward death, my own or another's was hardly relevant. Eventually, I became entirely stoic, and life ceased to affect me.  
  
Society's façade aside, this may be the truth behind my irrational hatred of mirrors. I don't see myself, and hardly see an individual. What's always staring back at me is the tearless mask I created to survive, the one society accepts as the face of a rebel killer, out for blood. With no place to return home to, no peace in the world or my soul, I am contented to wander the back alleys of the globe, avoiding my reflection in the windows I pass and ignoring the polluted rain that dives madly for the earth, a suicide plummet for stability. The story of my life.  
  
There's violence on a worldwide scale. a war for power, control, and for some, freedom; all of them fleeting and none of them can bring happiness. What can? Well, that I really haven't found. 15 years on this goddamn earth and I haven't a clue, nor am I of the opinion that I ever will.  
  
As I walk down the ominous back streets that the politicians and diplomats turn a blind eye to, I can't help but see the ravages of war; gunshot in the streets, addicts on the back steps begging for money, a girl no more than four victim of the incredible, ultimately tragic price of such foolish waste of life. I can only pray she doesn't end up on a path of vengeance to survive in a world which cares not for her nor the loss of her parents. I can only hope she doesn't end up like me. But worst of all, the homeless and soldiers who've died needlessly end up as corpses piled wherever possible for lack of care or remorse. They were human, too. Don't they deserve the common decency of burying the dead? One day, I foresee myself as one of these nameless corpses piled in a back alley, and it's a fate I'm resigned to, but certainly don't welcome.  
  
Society's uppercrust are resolved to ignoring the injustice "below" them. Children are sold for slave labor, legal or not, disease like AIDS run rampant, child abuse, rape, overpopulation. Their own children sell drugs, drink underage, and become pornography stars in order to gain at least some form of acknowledgement from the previous generation, and continue on ignored. And here I am, stuck in the middle of it all.  
  
I'm not a soldier and not a civilian. I feel no emotion, yet act on the ones that aren't there. I want to find a place to fit in this world, yet condemn society and refuse to conform. I long to be loved, to have the ability to return such a emotion; and still I refuse to abandon my hatred, to be honest and upfront with anyone.  
  
Relena and her loyal followers continue to preach total pacifism, and more of the world turns toward the ideal, but the practicality in its application has yet to be revealed. I can find no way to unify all cultures and religions into a "Unified Nation" without conflict. And there's no way to impose a worldwide government with a set of laws and a defined, systematic operation that can function on the level required to maintain peace, as it is bound to offend cultures and religions that are grounded in century old tradition. There will be another war. that is inevitable.  
  
In taking on the degree of weapon that a Gundam is, I was not seeking to find pacifism and secure its place in humanity. It may be selfish, but I fight for myself.  
  
I fight to have a purpose in life. It may be a futile attempt, but I fight to end the need for emotionless, mechanical soldiers like myself. People need to realize that the victor in a war shouldn't be determined by who is able to do do the most damage or has the most money. The world is not for one man or one military organization to won, it's for humanity to live, learn, and come to accept each other for who we all are. Furthermore, I fight not because I know I can achieve this goal, one the contrary. If I die on the battlefield in pursuit of a noble cause, so be it, and maybe my dedication could amount to something.  
  
The fact that the Gundams are fighting a loosing battle against the world is an ultimate testament to the struggle of individuality, the need for an all inclusive society, and true humanism. We are all equal in the end; we all leave this world with nothing. Fame, power, and fortune are all fleeting; nothing follows us into the great abyss. We're born into this world with the opportunity to live life to its fullest, no matter what we're given, and leave a better person.  
  
I've heard that one person can change the world. However, I'm of the opinion that it is more often the world which changes the person. Humans can redirect history, alter time, and distort reality in this technological age, but the one thing we can't ignore or control is one another. Rather than trying to change each other, reality, history, or the world as a whole, I think it's more important that I try to change myself.  
  
I fight so that I can be a better person, to become more than what society sees me as, to truly live life. I will not fall into the apathetic slump much of the world has succumbed to. I fight to find my true identity through changing who I am now, rather than seeking conformity to the social system by changing what I am. And if I die in this pursuit, my life was well spent. Cheap, but well spent. 


End file.
